I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
