I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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