i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This girl is more easily done than said...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.