come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks