btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
