Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light

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  (212): i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light http://tfl.nu/ogwp
  Replies (9) Good night (600) Bad night (2606)
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  (347): View more from New York

  We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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  (347): We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job http://tfl.nu/wtkj
  Replies (18) Good night (651) Bad night (4328)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

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  (443): he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it http://tfl.nu/sa3y
  Replies (52) Good night (1323) Bad night (6152)
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  (914): View more from New York

  right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"

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  (914): right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit" http://tfl.nu/7x3l
  Replies (6) Good night (3167) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family

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  (281): my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family http://tfl.nu/olwi
  Replies (7) Good night (3317) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.

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  (503): He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis. http://tfl.nu/tjtk
  Replies (4) Good night (1204) Bad night (1816)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.

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  (832): Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail. http://tfl.nu/wcht
  Replies (4) Good night (1833) Bad night (539)
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  (661): View more from California

  It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas

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  (661): It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas http://tfl.nu/7a5h
  Replies (9) Good night (1469) Bad night (691)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka

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  (404): Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka http://tfl.nu/m383
  Replies (5) Good night (875) Bad night (761)
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  (661): View more from California

  i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance

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  (661): i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance http://tfl.nu/ezzs
  Replies (4) Good night (752) Bad night (434)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.

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  (812): Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords. http://tfl.nu/1djr
  Replies (4) Good night (1852) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?

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  (917): This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case? http://tfl.nu/t5hu
  Replies (4) Good night (714) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together

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  (828): Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together http://tfl.nu/vkn9
  Replies (4) Good night (405) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.

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  (303): Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas. http://tfl.nu/f3lh
  Replies (2) Good night (546) Bad night (175)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it

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  (832): Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it http://tfl.nu/qafe
  Replies (2) Good night (504) Bad night (186)

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