Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.