Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Randomize
Follow @tfln