True but thats because hes a fetus.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love having hate sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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