Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
