Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
