You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
