omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
