Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
