Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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