Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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