i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
