i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
