just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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