the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
