She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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