Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
