It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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