When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
