pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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