New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
