non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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