I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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