I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
