Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
