well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
