dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
