so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
