Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
