He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
