The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this beer tastes like vomit already
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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