Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
