I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
