I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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