I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
