So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
