Rock
Scissors
Fuck
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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