When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
