Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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