How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
