She said her name was "party"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i came on her dog
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
