whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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