You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
