i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
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At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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