Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize