Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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