Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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