Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
