if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this will be a night to untag.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize