Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
