and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
