It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
