No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
