I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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