I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
