So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.