There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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