fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
