If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
