you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think my tv is drunk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
