idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
