I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
