you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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