You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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