If i come over, it means nothing
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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