rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
